Beauty, Oscar Wilde

The only way to behave to a woman is to make love to her, if she is pretty, and to someone else if she is plain.

― Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), The Importance of Being Earnest

Women, H. L. Mencken

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t, they’d be married, too.

- H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

[Humor] A Woderful Girl

♣ A Woderful Girl ♣

If you marry a pretty girl, you will be happy for 3 years; If you marry a kind girl, you will be happy for 30 years; If you marry a wise girl, you will be happy 90 years.

Three men went to Heaven. The Jade King said that he would grant their wishes.

The first man said, "I want to be rich!"

He became rich as he wished.

The second man wanted to rise to power

He gained face.

The third man said, "I want to get married."

The Jade King asked, "What type of a girl do you like?"

The man said, "A good girl who ease his mind; A diligent girl who make breakfast for the whole family before dawn; A wise girl who use beautiful words all the time; A capable girl who assist me to success."

A Jade King said,

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"Hey, man! That depends on you."

♥♥♥

Humor, Terry Cohen

He who laughs last is generally the last to get the joke.

- Terry Cohen

U.K., Colvin R. de Silva

(The sun never sets on the British Empire.) That's because God does not trust the British in the dark.

- Colvin R. de Silva (1907–1987)

U.K., Unknown history student

The sun never sets on the British empire because Britain is in the east and the sun sets in the west.

- Unknown history student

Humor, John Kenneth Galbraith

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908-2006)

Art, Francois Cavanna

When Michelangelo finished the painting of the Sistine Chapel's ceiling, he spent the rest of his life trying to remove the paint that had poured into his sleeve.

- François Cavanna (1923- )

Writing·Reading, Mark Twain

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Appearance, Al Gore

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

- Al Gore (1948- ), U.S. Vice President

Humor, Anthony Burgess

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

- Anthony Burgess (1917-1993)

Humor, Bertolt Brecht

He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news.

- Bertolt Brecht (a German poet, playwright, and theatre director; 1898-1956)

Nobody ever died of ... (Max Beerbohm)

Nobody ever died of laughter.

- Max Beerbohm

The gods are ... (Aristotle)

The gods too are fond of a joke.

- Aristotle

How to do business

How to do business

Dad: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.
Son: No!
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter.
Son: Then okay

Dad goes to Bill Gates.
Dad: I want your daughter to marry my son.
Bill Gates: No!
Dad: My son is the CEO of Goldman Sachs.
Bill Gates: Then okay.

Dad goes to the Chairman of Goldman Sachs.
Dad: Appoint my son as CEO.
Chairman: No!
Dad: He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates
Chairman: Then okay.

THIS IS DOING BUSINESS